Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in ykalmyko's LiveJournal:

Monday, April 10th, 2006
1:57 pm	Geek Love As I keep going further on my reading I realize how much I am proud of Arturo the “Aqua Boy.” I agree that many people would not back me up on that, but before you begin to judge my opinion, let me just tell you why I am proud. I do know that his character is not the best, is not the kindest, and is very selfish. He has a high self-esteem, big ego, love for popularity and money. However, all these characters no matter how negative they are, they are the ones that all his followers do not have. Imagine to be born like Arturo. It is hard to imagine that and what would you do and how would you feel if you were like him. Me myself thinking that I would probably die from depression or something, from helplessness, from ugliness, from not being a “norm.” But look at the Arturo. He has strengths in himself that pulled him together and made him so popular and even a model for others. I do not believe that he has power to make those people follow him, and mostly it is due to the stupidity of the followers or some other external effect. But have the strengths to love yourself so much, and have a respect for yourself, and make the best out of who you are, I think that deserves a pride. Talking about stupidity of the followers. Alma Witherspoon is a good example. She was so unhappy with her appearance, that she was afraid that her lover would not want to be with her when he sees her. And that thought of unhappiness lead her to Arturo, and made her decide that she wants to be like him in order to be happy. Now, where is the logic in this? If you are unhappy because you fat and have little hair on you head, how being an amputee would make it better? Instead of learning from Arturo to love yourself as you are, they are making him a physical model and want to be like him. Not to think like him, but actually physically be the replica of him. How smart is it? Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 27th, 2006
9:41 am	Geek Love Geek Love is about family that owns a traveling carnival. The parents, which have a weird mentality, performed experiments on birth defects. Experiments meaning, pregnant mom is taking radioisotopes/toxic medicine that causes severe and incredible deformation in the growing baby inside the mother. Their mentality about that is that you are beautiful because you are different. "What greater gift could you offer your children than an inherent ability to earn a living just by being themselves?” However, they had kids that did not survive for days after the birth, or even died inside the mother. Those kids that did survive were the primary income for the household. People were ready to pay money just to come and see those abnormalities. So sick. One can also see love, greed, hate, and hunger for popularity vote that cause the family to break into pieces. You can see love of the parents for their children, but very different kind of love, more like a selfish love. They love their kids if they bring more money into the family by their weirdness. From Arturo you expect through out the whole story the hate towards everyone in the family; greed and hunger, because he wants to be popular, and he is very jealous of others, like twin sisters and Chick, because they win popularity vote. However, the Olympia is my favorite character. She has a unique personality, very kind, and her love is pure love. She loves because she loves, not because they look better or worse, or bring more money or less. She is the ugliest (I think) in the family, and yet, she is the prettiest of all of them. Overall, the story is very dramatic; in terms of how can you do such thing to your kids, and how kids were made to earn money from a very young age. And how each of them tries to find the beauty and pride in their presence. The author touches issues of family relations, self recognition, childhood, love, pure personality, greed/jealousy, and hunger for money. (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
7:25 pm	Assignment 3 - Themes in our Modern Day World After a nuclear war in the 80’s, England arose as a fascist state, called Norsefire, with Concentration camps that clear the society off the “trash,” cameras on the streets at every corner to watch everyone, anytime, and facilities that experiment on people that they think are no good to the country anyways, so might as well contribute that way. “That country maintains control of the country through food shortages (arising during the nuclear winter), government-controlled media, secret police, a planned economy, and concentration camps for racial and sexual minorities.” The book begins after the end of political conflict, death camps have finished their “filtering” work and now closed, the public lives by the rules set up by the “Leader”, and here we meet the character “V”. “V” character is considered a terrorist and anarchist; he gained superhuman ability in the Concentration camp. We can say he is the product of the Government, which now the Government tries to execute. Here is an irony, which is timeless. Government does create people that either follow the rules, or act as “terrorist or anarchists.” We can apply this same situation to any known acts in the modern history. Let’s take for example Soviet Union during the Communistic time. The communism believes created a government similar to the England in the “V for Vendetta.” Everyone is created equal, and so shall everyone live equal. People were not allowed to be different from anybody. The wages were all the same no matter if you were a doctor, or receptionist. Of course there were people in “Offices” who were “different”, and had better lives than anyone else. They had better food on their table, they had better salary. They were the parliament people. But the people were not supposed know about that. However, it lasted until the government gave rise to the “Voice” of the people, like “V”. And what happened after that? The Government had “Perestroyka”. The communism stopped. The Soviet Union broke into pieces. New leader took place and promised better life. People became “different” from each other, and each was awarded based on their degree. There was a chaos, at first. Then there was order. And it will continue until the moment when another “V” will be raised. We can say that it is the political circle. The war of people with the government, or the war of the government with people. The government creates an enemy by pushing people too hard in the wrong direction, and then itself suffers by it. People create their enemy by letting the government slowly change into what the government wants, and then they suffer. Is “V” a terrorist? It is easy to say “yes” at first glimpse. Let’s examine if it is true. “V” is the only person who dared to accuse the government of being wrong, and try to free people from their enslavement that they are so brainwashed that they do not see. The government calls “V” the terrorist. Irony? “V” does kill people and blow buildings, and those are the actions of a terrorist. Even though the book does not mention, but in every terrorist act there are innocent people dying, and that is why I think those actions are called the actions of the terrorist. Even though they are made out of the goodness of the heart, lots of people suffer. Now, is the government terrorist? How many innocent people did it kill? A lot. Concentration camps, experiments, people on the government way, etc. How is the actions of people like “V” taken as terrorist action, whereas, the actions of the government which look exactly the same are not. Let’s look what is going on in the actual world. Every one knows what happened on “9-11.” There are many rumors that our president even knew that something like this would happen. People from Parliament even agreed that they needed something like this to happen in order to have on their hands all the cards open. Now, because Islam people made their move that had cost so much innocent lives and so much money for the America, America now can do their move. The actions of Islam people were taken as terrorist attack. And the American government came up with “the War on Terrorism”. What did American government start to do? It sent people into the Afghanistan and into the Iraq and start blowing up everything there. So, how is it different from the actions of Islam people? Funny? Extremely. I know for sure that after the “9-11” the majority of the people wanted the revenge, and would approve the actions of the Government. That is alright with me, but do not call revenge action, something like the war on terrorism when revenge is the terrorism. So “V” is a terrorist, but in the example above he is the American government. Is he good or bad? It depends. If you are the victim of “9-11” you would pray for the “V” person who would fight for you. But what if you are the innocent person in Iraq? “Q: What should be done about the killing of innocent people in war? AR: This is a major reason people should be concerned about the nature of their government. If by neglect, ignorance, or helplessness, they couldn't overturn their bad government and choose a better one, then they have to pay the price for the sins of their government—as all of us are paying for the sins of ours.” (CBS News) In a sense this is a correct statement, but it is so inhumane. Even though we, as a whole, do choose our government, it does not mean that I as individual chose the same. In the case of choosing our president for the 2000 election, about 49% of people voted for Gore and 51% voted for Bush. So, can’t we say that 49% of people are innocent people because they did not vote for Bush? “This whitewashed society exists thanks to people who have been willing to commit genocide to preserve the Caucasian race. There are no Africans, Indians, Pakistanis, or homosexuals in this world. After the war ended, anyone of different skin color, sexual orientation or political belief was arrested and placed in concentration camps. None of them appear to have survived the process.” This whitewashing society existed and will exist. Although the government allows people to see that it is not like that. The government let’s one colored person to become the face of the society, and control him in every action; however, the society believes that racism does not exist. We have a colored person who represents us. Let’s see what happened in states during the time of election in 2000. What start to happen to colored people at that date? They were arrested with nothing, and then were freed the next day. What start happening after “9-11” to the Islam people in America? They were persecuted, mistreated, offended; even though, most of them are American citizens and were born in this country. "People give me dirty looks. Imagine what it feels like? C'mon. Walking down the street looking at me like I was responsible for 9/11. 7-11 maybe, but not 9/11," Usman quips. (CBS News) "In middle school, in my lunch hour, they threw food at me -- tomatoes and their spoons -- and told me to go back to my country," Al-Jabari recalls. But every day, they're up against a constant stream of images as well as public opinion. A CBS News poll last month found that 36 percent of Americans have an unfavorable view of Muslims. About the same number of people, 39 percent, think Islam encourages violence more than other religions.” The un-acceptance exists, the injustice. The actions of “V” are very ambiguous, and so are any actions similar to that. Are his actions personal or political? It could be that personal problem overgrow into political problem, and even if V started his “Vendetta” in the personal reasons, it did become political after all. Killing responsible parties not only for the experiments in the concentration camps, but also for the justice for all the people who suffered. All the historical moments are ambiguous, depending on who writes them, and how. The way “V for Vendetta” was written as “V” is a hero that fights with the Parliament for the people’s sake. He is very likeable by many. “His charisma shows through his speech patterns, his philosophy, his dry sense of humor, his flare for dramatics. All these qualities and viewpoints make him seem human and consequently it becomes easy to forget that for all his “just” motivations, he is utterly ruthless in their application.” Is it not another example of brainwashing? “V” is brainwashing with his philosophy that his actions are just. Are they? Sorry to be so fixed on the current American examples, but in “V for Vendetta” I see a lot of them. Mr. Bush brainwashes the country by saying how those actions of “War on Terrorism” are so important, and every time on the news you would see the ruthless actions of Iraq people, and how they kill our American soldiers. His actions are just, because he presents himself as the “Voice” of the country, and he fights for us. Do you see the justice? I don’t. “The Bush Administration's war in Iraq embraces compassion instead of the rational goal of victory. Such an immoral approach to war wantonly sacrifices the lives of soldiers and emboldens our enemies throughout the Middle East to mount further attacks against us.” (CBS News) Did they ever mention how they kill Iraq people? Do they torture them? Rape them? Kill innocent people? No, because if we would see that his actions are no different he will not be just anymore. Does the book ever mentioned how many innocent people died by the hands of “V”? No, because then “V” will not be the same hero anymore. Another thing is the control of the media. People are not only brainwashed by the speeches, but they also do not see. Because no one shows anything to them. Everything is only from the point of American government view. How can it be just when it is only one side shown? Show us the other side so we can decide who is just, and who is not. Same as in the “V for Vendetta”, the radio is one of the Parliament controlled organizations, and people hear and see what the government chooses for them to hear or see. The government is very afraid of people actions, because there are more of people than of the government. And apparently all it takes just one “Voice” to raise all people. That is why the government tries so hard to find, fight, and stop that “Voice.” Will the government be successful? It is only the matter of time, until the new “Voice” will be raised. Evey, for example. Another point that “V for Vendetta” has is the technological dependency and technological control of the society. People, in the book and in real life, are so dependent upon technology. Technology keeps us up to date on many important things happen around the world. Technology keeps us alive. Technology let’s us do things faster and more accurate. But how about technology that controls us? The cameras, the phone tapped systems. “About 150 cities use the cameras to control graffiti, loitering and illegal dumping, Anderson said. Cincinnati has installed 20 cameras, mostly in residential areas and city parks. "It's kind of a forced accountability," said Anderson, the camera's designer. "You tend to be more accountable if someone's watching." The White House is asking Congress to update wiretapping rules so that legal protections that apply to telephone calls are extended to e-mail and other electronic communication. "Carnivore represents a grave threat to the privacy of all Americans by giving law enforcement agencies unsupervised access to a nearly unlimited amount of communications traffic," said Barry Steinhardt, ACLU associate director.” (CBS News) People are being watched and listened to. It is invasion on people’s privacy. We are like little kids who cannot be trusted. Although, at some point it is true, we cannot be trusted. We would do less illegal actions if we know that we are being watched or listened to. In “V for Vendetta” people are being watched and listened to. However, as soon as they learned that there will be no cameras or wiretapping, people start expressing themselves: cursing, using graffiti on the walls and ground, misbehaving. “For three days, your movements will not be watched… your conversations will not be listened to…and “do what thou wilt” shall be the whole of the law. No telly? What, an’ no radio neither? Well, that’s bloody marvelous! Bollocks, Mr. Susan, Bollocks Fate, Bollocks our dad, bollocks miss Platt at the school.” We see on page 188-189 in “V for Vendetta” how true that is, that the technology controls us. It prevents us from misbehaving, and I think the government might be right on that, but how about our privacy? What is more important to us: our privacy or our streets being clean of misbehavior? So, technology keeps us under control. Whether it is good to have it or not, the opinion will vary among people. Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006
3:58 pm	V for Vendetta I just want to write a commentary on the technology. As it was mentioned in the class discussion on Tuesday, the technology in the text is used as a woman. The technology is personified and in particular being presented as a woman. I think, maybe some will not agree, but being a woman I know that we like someone who can control us. But we also can have a change of heart. We would choose who is stronger and smarter. In this text, the technology is controlled by men. But the outcome can be different depending on which men is controlling. Also, I heard couple days ago, that U.S. is trying to put corner cameras all over the country. They think that if people know that they are being watched, it would prevent them from doing illegal, misbehaving actions. As soon as I heard that on TV, it reminded me of the page 188-189 in “V for Vendetta.” As soon as people learned that their conversations will not be listened to and they can “do what thou wilt”, we see pictures of a little girl start cursing everyone she dislikes, and using graffiti on walls and the ground. It is true that people misbehave more when they know that they are not being watched, and I think those pictures on page 188 are very realistic. Someone put the comment on V as he does not exist. V as a person does not exist (in my opinion), but he does exist in each and every one of us. However, not all of us have guts to acknowledge that, but Evey had. We afraid to use our Voice and stand against injustice, but it does not mean that V does not live within us. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
3:19 pm	Discussion for the next class Can we discuss what is going on behind the scenes. The significance of all the subjects drawn in the book, all the posters, all the radio stuff, and also the symbolism of things presented in the book, like the rose, or the letter V, or number 5. I think it would be interesting to bring up points that lay in between the lines. Those are the things that would make us understand better the V character, as well as the whole setting in the book, and what is actually is going on. Who are the bad guys, and who are the good ones. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 12th, 2006
7:46 pm	V for Vendetta For me, it is a new experience reading comics. I never dealt with readings and at the same time you can visualize what are you reading. It is a fun experience, and especially for someone like me who has no imagination of what I am reading, so that way I can have a better picture of what is going on. I have not finished it yet, but in the beginning I was asking question like who is V for Vendetta character, and how does he relate to the girl, Evey. The author made me think in the beginning that V might be her father. But then I read the reviews on V for Vendetta, and the author said that V is definitely not a father. The book is very dark, and all the illustrations are dark. Very reality-like, undercover meaning that it happens in life; of course maybe one hero is an exaggeration. Something that most people tend to ignore, or choose not to see. We have bad people, bad cops, and we have a hero. Hero that no one can get. But it does represents reality in the way that there are good people who fight with the bad. I think that V for Vendetta might hide some political points in there as well. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
8:04 pm	Thomas Foster Since I did my Assignment 2 on "Death Defier" and kind of understand it, I can apply Foster's ideas to that story. "...Except Sex" --> Don has sex with his girlfriend. She is menstruating; blood is all over the place. Sex is represented as pleasure, because Don enjoys it. Also, sex makes you alive. You feel live running through your body/ Don is alive. But then we see the picture of blood all over the bathroom. Don is alive, and he gets pleasure from being alive, in the surrounding of blood. His life is dealing with blood surrounding, war, death, dead bodies, and blood. But he is alive and he is happy (so far). There is also an irony. Happy, alive, pleasure, then he dyes. "Geography Matters" --> yes it does, it really matters where the action takes place. If Don was in some other country (not like Afghanistan, Africa or Vietnam) we would not imagine him being afraid of death as much, or not accepting it or thinking so much about it. Usually those countries do represent something dark, unnatural, soul empty, and "nothingness". You think of Afghanistan, and you know for sure that you do not want to be there. It is miserable. Also, there is a piece of politics, comparison between countries and people. Order People vs. Chaos People. Americans, English and Afghanistan people are present. English are trying to be just watchers, not participants, Americans police of the world, taking control of actions, Afghanistan's always at war. There is also a scene where Don goes up the hill, and it is the highest hill of all, and yet he is trying to get there, he does not give up. "High: snow, ice, purity, thin air, clear views, isolation, life, death." In this case Don is on border line between life and death. He is still alive and yet he dyes on that top of the hill. Also, I just want to mention "The Girls". Students discussed in class that Arleen being a Christ. It could be, I can agree with that. There are two moments when Arleen is under the water, under the rain, and taking a shower. Water is a cleanser, cleaning of the dirt. If she is a Christ figure she could be washing the dirt off of herself that she took from other people. She was taking their sins. Mommy and Daddy had a sin, or sins, and that is why it is mentioned that all the guests were not coming twice into their house, except father Snow, who is accompanied with Arleen. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
9:58 pm	The story begins with the phrase “Graves had been sick for three days.” Even though in the beginning this phrase does not play any major role, and yet when the reader comes to the end it becomes obvious that this phrase is a key to the whole story, to the main character. The story is build around the Graves’s sickness. Due to description of Graves’s illness, sometimes in a very disgust way, the reader can build a view of Donk, the main character, as a “mother” figure. Donk was taking care of Graves and was not disgusted by the illness, always tries to help and worries about Graves. “The medicine man stepped from Graves’ room. Without consulting him Donk rushed inside. Graves was supine on a thick mass of blankets… He seemed very still. His eyes were dry. Donk crouched next to Graves’s makeshift bed and said nothing. Then, on the impulse, he took Graves’s hand and held it crossways in his own, as though hoping to offer him some mysterious transfer of strength.” On page 178, we already see that even though Donk hardly knows Grave, he already tries to help him and ask Kunduz’s aid workers to give him chloroquine phosphate pills to cure Graves’s malaria. One thing sitting by bedside of a sick man, another thing is to go into the hostile area to find the cure. And once again, we see Donk as caring person. He cares so much for Grave and travels into the dangerous zone when many soldiers refused to follow him. And even when American soldier tries to stop Donk from going further, Donk, risking his life, could only think of his friend’s welfare and continued to go only forward. Then at the end we see another setting (on page 210-211). Donk steps on a bomblet and lying on the ground with major, life-threatening injuries and the only thing he can think of: “Hassan needed help. Donk did not care if he stole his cameras. Donk could help him. Donk, suddenly, loved him. He had to help Graves, because if he did not, Graves would die.” The name Donk came from the name “Donkey” that was given to Donk by his father and his older brother during one of the boyhood camping trips. Later on we see a scene of a donkey and its characteristic. Donkey was used by two army man that followed Donk to find the medicinal grass. Donkey was carrying all needed resources for the trip. Later during the trip, one of the army man got into the incident with donkey because it was hard for the donkey to go over the hill. After whipping the animal, Red Beard, army man, thought it would make the animal go, the donkey delivered “into Red Beard’s chest a quick and astonishingly forceful double-barreled kick.” Seeing this situation, another army man shoots at the donkey with Kalashnikov and kills him. In a sense, we can see the same thing in our main character. Stubbornness. He is stubborn and continues to travel even though many times was told not to. Seeing donkey as a “worker”, we also see Donk as one. Instead of sitting put at General Mohammed’s village, he travels for medicinal grass for someone else. In the end he gets killed or injured (as we do not know exactly if he dies, we assume that) also for his stubbornness. The author shows the scene with the donkey as to show us how the main character looks like and yet the author does not tell us why Donk got the nickname “donkey.” We also see the helplessness of donkey in front of army men with Kalashnikov. Donkey does tries to protect himself, but Kalashnikov stops him. Donk is also helpless in the situation. He tries hard, but cannot reach the goal. He feels helpless in helping his friend Graves. He felt helpless when his father was dying. Donk witnessed his father’s death and after that he chose combat photographer as a profession. And at that moment Donk began to think of death, and that all people die alone even if someone else is by his side. The journey of death for each it is own. Death scared him, because it is quiet, “the longest quiet”. Donk was not accepting death as something natural. It was “something else, categories and dreadful, something to be fought off, defied, spat upon. Death was the unappeasable aggressor.” Donk is scared of death where as, the author shows Graves that even though he is only 40, he is ready to accept the fact that he is dying. (Interestingly enough, the author even chose the name Graves for him) And he thinks that death “will come when it will come.” Donk, on the other hand, thinks that death is up to us, we choose when we dye, and at the end we see how he chooses not to accept the fact that he is dying. Even though, we see Donk in the environment of war, blood and death, Donk does not become a monster that war creates, instead we see a sympathetic, caring and loving person. He is sympathetic to people who are dead or facing death. He loves, because only people who are capable to love can care about others. However, even if the war does not create the monster out of Donk it does have effect on him. Facing death all the time, made him think of death as something unnatural, and unavoidable. “It was before noon in northern Afghanistan and the country felt as empty and skull-white as a moon. Not our familiar moon, but another, harder, stranger moon. Donk was compelled to wonder if nothingness and trouble were not, in fact, indistinguishable.” Environmental description shows the reader where the main character is located and how it helps to build a view of the main character. Page 188-189 gives more description of the surrounding environment. Even in Tajikistan Soviet center had always held, whereas in Afghanistan there is nothing, “everything appeared old and shot up and grievously unattended.” This setting, even though can seem like a description of the Afghanistan from the first look, does describe what Donk feels about death. Death is something strange, not familiar. Death is nothingness and unattended. Donk, Graves, Hossam were running away from the Kunduz city, because that city got invaded by soldiers and gun fires. It became dangerous to stay there. The setting of this situation on page 176-177 shows the reader why characters ran away from the city, why Graves was left without medicine (on page 175) and why Graves felt so sick and Donk would lead himself to the dangerous place. If the hotel room where Donk, Graves, and Hossam were staying was not robbed, Graves’s medicine would not be stolen, he would feel much better and Donk would not go into the hostile area to find the cure for Graves. This description of dangerous environment leads the whole story and leads Donk to his death. So, we see how the setting in the beginning of the story leads to the future settings and the plot of the story. There is a division of Chaos People, Order People and Chaos People who think they are Order People. With this the author explains the presence of Americans and English in Afghanistan because they really are Chaos People who think that they are Order People and trying to organize the situation in Afghanistan. They are helpers in that country. Convincingly, Donk is American and he is a “mother” figure in the story. He is Chaos People and that is why he is in dangerous places, but he thinks that he is Order People and that is why he is constantly trying to help someone. Afghanistan is so chaotic and insane, because Chaos People that know they are Chaos People become insane and stay insane. And that’s where the whole nothingness, emptiness, and strangeness come from in the environment that surrounds Donk. It is the country’s insanity. “Afghanistan had mailed into Donk’s brain a series of crushingly similar mental post cards: men, men, desert, men, men, men, guns, men, guns, guns, desert, guns, men.” Death is insane because everyone becomes insane thinking of death but no one can define it correctly. As we can also see there is not a lot of woman’s presence in the story and if she is present it is related with blood/death. The woman was killed and her brains were on the white snow. Donk had sex with his girlfriend (his last sex with her) while she was menstruating. Could be a symbolism? Women are usually fighters for the good life, good style, men on the other hand heroes, soldiers. Women in this story are related with death (blood leads to death), and so the hope for good life dies with them. “Human Conflict” is very important to Donk. It is “life-affirming.” On page 181, we follow Donk’s thoughts about “Human Conflicts”. “Human Conflicts” play a major role in the story, as the story takes place in the war affected country. Our main character’s life is in “Human Conflicts” all the time, because he chose to be a photographer in conflict countries. “He loved Human Conflict not as an ideal but as a milieu, a state of mind one absorbed but was not absorbed by.” Another key, Donk is fascinated with “Human Conflicts,” he documents Human Conflicts by taking pictures, he observes Human Conflicts, but does not get himself into it. He is just a watcher, not a participant. Even though he observes, watches, photographs the horrible moments of war, those things do not haunt him. “Montaigne believed that that death was easiest for those who thought about it the most.” This could be a key to why Donk likes to watch “Human Conflicts” which in this story involves blood, death, “chronic habitual suicide.” By seeing death so much, Donk is not so scared about it, but accepts it as something unavoidable. But yet again, he chooses Human Conflicts to define the meaning of life and the meaning of death. There is a setting on page 189 of the village. “Walking roadside were beehive-shaped figures whose bedspread-white and sky-blue garments managed to hide even the basest suggestions of human form. These were women. Children ran happily beside the Jeep, many holding pieces of taunt string. “Kites,” Graves observed weakly. Ahktar’s face turned prideful. “Now we are free, you see.” Donk turned his head sideways and peered up out the window. Floating above the low buildings of Ahktar’s village were, indeed, scores of kites. Hassan looked up also. “We could not fly kites before,” he said quietly. “Yes,” Donk said. “I know. Let freedom ring.” This is happy setting, the setting of freedom. This is where Donk should have stayed, but he did not. He left this place and again got himself into death setting. He is lost. He is in between life and death, trying to define both of them. The very last setting in the story is the setting where Donk meets his death. The area is the “least hospitable”, “was cold, windy and dustless.” It was an area of horror. Car skeleton with human body melted inside. And in this setting something clenched in Donk and he felt sick, but he did not have his camera with him. But maybe, seeing this picture with a naked eye and not through the camera lens made him see death as something real. And here is a symbolism, Donk sees death as being real and also here he meets his death. So Donk dies, but before he dies he yells for his dad. He thinks of Red Beard that he could use the company, use the help. But it could mean that he realizes, even though he fights this thought, that he is dying and all alone. He yells for dad, so he can greet him there. He thinks the Red Beard can use him as a company or Donk can use Red Beard as his company and both will travel the journey together and not die alone. But Donk thinks till the end that he chooses when the death will come and not all the way around. “He was alright. He just needed to figure this out” Death and setting is interchangeable and both show the main character. It is much harder or much easier to accept death when one sees death all the time. The reason I said much harder or easier is because Graves’s character accepts death, whereas Donk accepts death not as something natural that would happen to anyone, but unnatural and lonely. So, the setting of environment as nothingness, least hospitable, lonely and empty is the same as the death itself. Showing this particular setting we know what the main character goes through and what he thinks. It will not be the same as if the author would describe Donk lying on the beach, with a blue sky above him, beautiful, live, happy people around him and with scotch in his hands and thinking of death. Be in the environment of death defies death better. Death becomes more real. We do see that Donk accepts death as something unnatural. And he is right, because how can the death due to bomb be natural, or a woman killed accidentally in the cross fire, die in natural way. It is unavoidable, but it can be unnatural. (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
7:56 pm	The Girls The Girls, who are actually women (thirty-one and thirty three years of age). They stick their noses into people’s privacy. Put themselves above everyone. Cats play a role of family members, and even dead they are still present with the family. The way Arleen talks, is that she is jumping from subject to subject with no connection in between. (Cats litter, then she took a walk and bicycled). The description of Arleen’s house: it has the stairs that either hold her captive in the house or do not let her into the house. Bunch of unrelated questions for Arleen: describe your house, are you fearful of crime, did you have a nice birthday? Mommy and Daddy and the girls. It is like the girls are stayed at one age, never grew up. A gay pastor, depressed because of his lover’s death. Girls are very provocative. They take stuff without permission. Most of the guests never came back, except for priest. “Daddy said that when you look death in the eye, you want to do it as calmly as a stroller looks into a shop window. But Mommy never looked into a shop window that way. She looked into shop windows with excitement and distress.” Why would the father compare death with shopping stores. And also, I think Mommy is not afraid of Death, she looked death in the eye with excitement and distress. Girls admired the ruthless nature of their cats. Girls do not feel bad about being caught searching Arleen’s room, and continued searching it, as if they have full rights to do, since it is their house. Arleen’s diary contains symptoms of their Mommy. Is she a doctor? Is she a psychiatrist? “Prayer is a means of getting rid of some of our own ignorance about ourselves.” Girls always looked around during a prayer. They are ignorant, and do not want to admit that, or do not realize that. Girls are fascinated with killings, murders, and someone else’s suffers. They watched their cats killing songbirds. They probably smashed the eggs in the nest. They are ready to listen to father’s proposition story many times. I tried to analyze the story by taking pieces out of it, but it is so hard to put them together. At some point I thought maybe they kill the guests, and that is why they do not come back. Mother and Father know about it, but cannot do anything, or maybe even help them with it, since they are the ones inviting guests. But then I thought ‘no’ it cannot be that. Overall I totally disliked the girls in the story, they bear some kind of negativity in their characters. I read the story couple of times trying to realize what it is about, no success. I need help with it. Current Mood: confused (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
8:26 pm	The Cousins I like reading the formats of diary or letters, it makes you continue read just to find out what would happen next. The Cousins is about two women who were separated in the young ages from each other, and had no idea about each other, (alive or dead). Both of women had striking experience with their lives. Each of them had to live through loosing everything: freedom, family, and then found strength to go back on track. However, each of them learned lessons. Professor Morgenstern learned not to trust anyone anymore, and not to become close with anyone. She is cautious about any relationships and especially with those who claim to be her family. She has no family, and even had to abort her baby. She got completely submerged into the work, and was even advising her cousin to do the same thing, it would prevent loneliness. Whereas, Rebecca Schward was looking for family relationship, and tried so hard, (did not give up), to return the family bond between her and Freyda. Overall it was one of those stories that makes you want to finish it, and find out what would happen at the end. In the beginning I though that there might be some tragedy. That Rebecca tried so hard, she would die, and then when Freyda would finally agree to meet with her it would be already too late. In the one of the latest letter Freyda asks Rebecca about chemotherapy, and then in the next letter she said that Rebecca did not call and did not write anything. Did she die at the end? Right when Freyda already changed her mind and was ready to break her rule about family, she gets no response from Rebecca. One thing was confusing in this story: cards. What kind of cards are they? What was the meaning of exchanging those cards? Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
8:57 pm	Assignment 1 Reading “Simple exercises for the Beginning Student” the reader can hear the voice of a narrator, as well as two people’s perspectives. One perspective is of eight years old boy, Kevin, and the other was of his mother, Rachel. Whenever the story is written from a few different perspectives, it is much clear to the reader the situation of the whole that happens, instead of listening to the story from the one perspective and only visualize the one person side. It is kind of listening to few people’s opinions and making your own opinion about what is happening based on that. Here is an example of the story written only in one perspective, the perspective of Kevin. There are many details that are missing out of his story. It is not because I decided not to include them, but because it is impossible for Kevin to see them. Starting from the beginning, in the actual story we can see the description of a Kevin being not like everyone else. Even when “his mother, Rachel, made an effort to find the nicest clothes she could… the same clothes that other kids were wearing, as soon as he put them on the clothes drooped and sagged, changing… into something disheveled, misshapen, patchlike.” Kevin does not notice that in himself, instead he might notice that everyone else is not like him. For example, the way he sees Lawrence, as being fat, big, and “wet chewing.” Their family financial status is not familiar to Kevin. He would not know that his parents “between their credit card debt and the car payments, they were barely making the rent.” And, thus it is not included in the following story. Even if Kevin can acknowledge the financial situation of his family, he would not know precisely how bad it is. He does mentions in this story that his parents sacrifice cable for his piano lessons, but he would not see the choices his parents do every day, so he would have everything he needs. Rachel mentions in the beginning that she is pregnant, and that it was not the first time after Kevin, but they chose not to have it. This again shows how bad their financial situation is, where they have to make a decision whether to keep the baby or not. Kevin would not see that, and that is why we do not see it in his perspective. We also see how much Rachel wanted this new baby, and she even sacrificed her marriage for it. It was her choice to keep the baby, and Brian, her husband, did not support her decision. Later on, we see Rachel and Brian arguing about Kevin’s piano lessons. Rachel wanted to pay extra money to the teacher, so Kevin would practice on the real piano at the teacher’s house, or even buy a new piano. Brian, again, was not supportive of this idea, and accused Rachel of loosing her mind. Kevin does not see his mother looking for alternatives, or her worries about him. Even though they cannot afford many things, she still wants the best for Kevin, and him being as everyone else. So their financial burden will not affect Kevin. We do not see that in Kevin’s perspective. Overall, the flow of events is the same, only some spots are missing. In this case, the missing intervals are those that hard for the eight years old boy to see or to understand, or parents chose not to tell. So, from Kevin’s perspective we would not understand the situations of the family, and will not understand even the decision of the father, why he left. Instead, we would dive into the world of the little boy, and would see how unfortunate for him to be in this family, be left alone, and no one being curious about his lessons. In contrast, seeing the mother’s perspective, we understand why Kevin would feel lonely and why his parents were acting this way. They had other important things on their mind, the welfare of their family which concerned Kevin the most. So we see now, that Kevin is not alone, and his parents do care about him. The ending did not change. Kevin decided to end his piano lessons, and his mother commands him not to. On my eighth birthday I asked my parents if I could start piano lessons. On the way home from school one day I heard someone playing the most amazing music I have ever heard. The same day I decided that I want to play piano and create the music of my own. When my parents heard me saying this “bizarre” for them idea, they became speechless for a moment trying to find the words that will make sense and yet will not upset me as much. My father, Brian, always wanted me to be in some kind of sport, and thus was giving me presents on every occasion concerning sports. My Christmas present was a baseball bat and a catcher’s mitt, whereas on my previous birthday my father took me to the football game. Unfortunately for my father, I could not be that boy what he wanted me to be. I do not like brutality and the football game was all about that. I could never hit the ball with my bat, and all boys in my class run faster than me. So, with the request such as piano lesson my father completely gave up his dream of having a boy who loves boy stuff. My mother, Rachel, after a while said they will think about it and to add more disappointment to my father, she found me a piano teacher. To save money for piano lessons my parents had to give up a cable, but my father, who really works hard, could not bear the idea that he will not be able to watch his sport channels anymore and with his friends was spending most of the nights in the bar, watching games and drinking beer. On the day of my first lesson, I asked my mother if I can go by myself. My mother, very loving and carrying person, of course did not want me to go by myself. However, after arguing a little about this matter I won. The house of my piano teacher was very spacious compare to our little two bedroom apartment, where my room can only fit a tiny desk and a futon. The piano, which I imagined to be much bigger, was at one end of the living room. For some reason, its look frightened me. It looked to me like an animal with the open mouth, and teeth sticking out ready to eat me alive. I stood there for a moment; motionless trying to understand for myself if I have made the right decision. Mrs. Tanizaki, my teacher, patted the surface of the bench right next to piano. She wanted me to sit right next to her. My fear was gone as soon as she began stroking white keys on the piano from the top to the bottom, from the sound of a loud thunder to the sound of a scared mouse. At that day I learned the basics of the piano, which included the song do ra mi fa sol la ti do. However, I could not understand why the notes of the song had different names from the notes, but I continued to sing, hoping that soon I will understand. Mrs. Tanizaki had a son named Lawrence. He was older than me. During my second lesson, he walked into the room. Ugly, big and fat Lawrence could not think of anything else but the food, and interrupted our lesson because he was hungry. I did not like him. How can a nice, good looking woman like Mrs. Tanizaki have a son like Lawrence? After a couple of attempts of making his mother feed him, he finally left, and I hoped he would not come back again and will not observe us during the lesson. I would not feel comfortable if someone would watch us, and especially someone like Lawrence. “Today you try alone striking keys and sing a song,” said Mrs. Tanizaki after her son left the room. “Do, re, mi…” A sound of a wet chewing made me stop. It was Lawrence who came back with a huge sandwich in his hands. “Lawrence, either close your mouth when you chew, or leave the room. Or, maybe you could do both,” said Mrs. Tanizaki I tried not to pay attention at what was happening behind my back, and was memorizing every single key in the piano. What sound each of the key makes? I was so drawn with this experience, the teacher, and her house completely occupied with the smell of food, the piano and the “not making any sense yet” sounds that were coming out of it. Every night I was waking up in the middle of the night with the notes in my head and thinking what music they would create. One Saturday, during the lunch my mother told me that she is pregnant. “Do you know what word ‘pregnant’ means?” “Yes,” but you don’t look pregnant;” I said “It doesn’t show yet. But it will soon.” Having my mouth full with food I suddenly remembered about Lawrence “Mrs. Tanzaki has a son.” “She does?” “He’s fifteen,” I said, and swallowed “Is he your friend?” “No. He sits in the room and eats sandwiches during my lessons.” “Oh.” “Lawrence is fifteen and I am eight, when the baby’s eight, I’ be sixteen and I’ll really play piano by then. I’ll play for the baby.” “That’s right” said my mother with the weak smile on her face but with upset ness in her voice. Mrs. Tanizaki gave me a book “Simple Exercises for the beginning student” and told to take a good care of it. She would give me exercises from that book so I can go home and practice it. I loved my piano lessons. I was so terrified that my teacher would find out that I did not have a piano at home and she would end our lessons. So, I did not mention that to her and instead came home, took the notebook and a black marker. I ripped 3 pages out of my notebook and fastened them side to side with a Scotch tape and I drew eight white notes and five black ones, enough for simple exercises. And so, I have practiced every day and night. I could hear the music playing in my dreams, and the black and white keys together with notes flying around. One week or so from the day when my mother told me that she was pregnant, my father left on the business trip and did not come back for a month. During that time I have noticed that my mom start becoming weaker and weaker with each day and she was sitting on the couch every night touching her stomach and quietly crying. I thought that the baby was sucking all of her energy and was causing her pain. The summer began and I had no school, so I could concentrate more on my piano practices. One day Mrs. Tanizaki asked Lawrence to play one piece, which came as a surprise to me, because I never thought that this fat, chewing cow can play. To my even bigger surprise he played it amazingly good, and at that moment, I realized that I do not belong there. Mrs. Tanizaki had a pride on her face. Whereas, my mother could not even hear the results of my lessons since “fake” piano did not produce any music. I became really upset and came up with another decision in my life: I will drop my piano lessons. I felt a sudden hate towards my teacher, and her son. They reminded me of a happy, perfect family that I could not have. All I could think about was my father coming back from his business trip. My parents arguing in their room and me, sitting in my room trying to create music in my head, so I did not have to listen to their screams. I felt so lonely, and nobody could hear my music, and no one would come into my room and ask me: “Kevin, would you like to play something for me?” “Where is the father?” I asked my mom after my piano lesson. “He left, son, and I think he is not coming back,” said my mom and start to cry “I hate my teacher, and I will not go back!” almost screaming said I. I was angry, but not at my mother. “What do you mean? You love the piano?” I shook my head. At the bottom of my heart I knew that it was not the teacher that I hated. I hated myself. I hated myself for being so stubborn. I hated myself because my father left and I was the reason for that. I could have play sports, instead of piano. I could have learned how to run fast and be the fastest in my class. I could, really. I could do all the things my father wanted me to do. And through my thoughts I heard my mother’s commanding voice: “I won’t let you stop. I won’t let you stop.” Current Mood: accomplished (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 5th, 2006
6:13 pm	Until Gwen “Until Gwen” is different from what we have read before. The writer uses the form of “you”. Even though “you” sounds like an accusation, telling the reader what he/she does, feel and so on, here, on the other hand, the character uses “you” to express his emotions, his experience, his life. It gives us some emotional moment, like imagine if it was you (reader) in my place, and that would happen to you, and how would you feel, and this is how I felt (but using “you” all the time). I know this phrase sounds confusing, but here is an example of what I mean. “A forgettable moment if ever there was one, but YOU spent four years in prison remembering it.” It was not the reader, of course, experiencing this moment, and we know automatically, this is an experience of the character in the story. I think that this particular choice of a story telling makes the connection between the character and the reader. It shortens the distance between the story and the reader. The reader feels the story. Because of the “you” form, rather you want it or not, you are trying to imagine being there and experiencing what the character experiences, and you feel the same emotions. The other story with many other stories inside was very different and first for me. I have never seen this way of story telling, and it felt like reading the newspaper or a magazine. However, I could not figure out where did the “Eight Pieces for the Left Hand” title come from. Is there a connection between all eight pieces? Current Mood: worried (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
6:10 pm	Point of View I really enjoyed last class. It was interesting, although I really sucked with my descriptions about the bathroom, but I really liked everyone else's descriptions and playing the game of "point of view". I hope I am going to learn how to express myself in writing through out this class. See you all tomorrow. Current Mood: energetic (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
8:09 pm	Introduction I think I finally learned the basic functions of the Live Journal. However, there are more things to learn. I would really enjoy the communication through this site, because there are many things to say, but not enough confidence in you to say it during the class out loud. So, I hope it would be much more fun here to say what I think and get comments on that. Current Mood: cheerful (Comment on this)